Stint as the younget faculty in college (trust me, yes :P )

Hello folks :)

Time for some ROFL.
Few days back we had a contest at dept of Biotech,Rvce. The fifth sem students were asked to devise ways in which they can prevent people from sleeping off when in a boring seminar. Here's a snap shot of answers. Pl don try to find logic in these answers. The question was asked in the first internals, so students were really cramped for time. They were cool enough to attempt it! Nevertheless, the ten best entries have won themselves movie tickets (yes i know u cant believe it, but I'm sponsoring it. Just. :) )


Strategy 1.
Prevention is better than cure, so let's prevent people from dozing off in the first place :)
• Make the chairs uncomfortable.
• Keep a close buzzer tat buzzes the irritating sound of a buzzing mosquito (low volume) !!
• Use "flip-seats". It senses the tendency of a person sitting on it to "sink" down. If it happens, then the seat flips itself at the "high tea" and the seat changes to a foamy-gooey-texture, so uncomfy tat the guy sitting on it cant sleep again!
• Design the seat in a way tat there are strategic points of contact with the body which stimulates the adrenal cortex. This raises your bp and bmr and u don sleep off!
• Provide a continuous source of some stimulant, like nicotine or caffeine, that keeps the sleep-prone fella awake!

Strategy 2: Identify the sleeping person and wake him up.
Identifying when someone sleeps off:
• Capture the changing radius of the pupil and consequently the closing of the eyelid. To be sure its not a blink of an eye, make sure it happens for 10-20 seconds straight.
• By some pressure sensing device, look out for an increase in thrust as the person “sinks” in the chair.
• Watch out for increasing surface area of contact of the chair with at the arms at the arm-rest and the back at the back-rest.
• Measure any reduction in body temperature, pulse rate, heart beat, etc.
• Look out for a “yawn”. Treat is a predecessor to sleep and nudge him.

Plan of Action after identifying that sleep is imminent:
• Vibrate the chair, not very vigorously as to make the poor guy fall off.
• Introduce gentle pricks at strategic points.
• Irritate him with feathers gently caressing him.
• Issue a jet of water or steam onto his hand or feet.
• Gentle tolerable DC shock.
• Tie a tuft of his hair with something rigid close to the chair. When his head droops down, his hair gets pulled and he wakes up.
• Issue a waft of cold air, it’ll wake him up.

ganpati bappa more-ya!

The lights of my room suddenly dimmed. The UPS started screaming!! The ceiling fan slowed down. Samajh gaya beta... voltage low!! But then yaake?? 

I had to resentfully resort to the emergency light to continue with the novel. And finally "Twink"... voltage low se voltage zero!! No power. 
After painfully providing me light for thirty mins, the emergency light had an emergency. Time to switch over to candles!! 
Wait wait... hold on!! wat's that noize outside?? 

Dang dadang dang dadang dadang dadang (watever tat meant)...

I came out of my house. Ganapati immersion procession. Now I realised why the power was cut. And more so, only for few of our houses lining the main road. One. They had to extract/divert power from somewhere for their stereos and flash lights. Two. They had to be safe with the huge Ganapati statues on roads.. electric wires should not carry electricity when Ganapati is tall enough to touch them. Makes sense.

But what follows really makes NO damn sense. When u go closer to the thing, u choke. U choke for two reasons. One. Strong smell of agarbathhis. Two. Little less strong smell of booze. 

Disgusting isn't it. Really is!! U call this religious fervour!! Holy shit!!
These people, paid to beat drums and bongos and congos, were drumming, no doubt. But they were OUT! TIGHT! I saw them in true spirits man!! TRUE SPIRITS!! Pun Intended. 

There were people swinging like michael jackson, Head banging like Papa Roach, Screaming like James Hetfield, in perfect rythm with beats. It was amazing. Mind Blowing. U couldn't help feel an euphoria within u. A joy of being Indian. A joy of having such a vibrant culture. A joy of celebrating the occasion. Bindaas! While they were under the irresistible influence of the beat of drums and dholaks. Flipside, they were also under the unfluence of alcohol. 

Oh god. Why dont u just come down and tell these people that u really don't like it that way!! Does every celebration have to end in Booze??? Do something man!! Use your trunk!! Blow them away!!